Jimbo Paris Show #77- Rediscover. Realize. Reignite Connection. (Dr. Jeep and Vanessa Naum)

Hi, I'm Jimbo Paris, and you're listening to the Jimbo Paris show. All right, this is Jimbo Paris. Welcome to the Jimbo Paris show. We have two experts in marriage. And we're going to hear what they have to say about relationships. And also, general mental health as well, you know, so these are an interesting group of people. they've accomplished a lot of things. And they have some very, very interesting story. So let's see what they have to say.

Hi, there. Thanks for having us on.

Yes, Jimbo. It's an honor to be on your show.

It's an honor as well for me. So first of all, can you kind of give me a bit of a brief summary of who you all are about? What's your messages?

Well, we've been in marriage coaching for since 1994. So that's 28 years. And just to give you a little background by that, I was born into a pretty dysfunctional marriage. And father was a doctor, he really did not respect my mother a whole lot. And I thought that was pretty wrong, I really wasn't in a place to really be able to say anything about that until I was older. But there's two things that I knew that I wanted to do. One is I wanted to be a doctor. And the second thing was that I wanted to be married, and I wanted to have a good marriage. So I made it my mission to when I was old enough to do something about it that I would. And so Vanessa, and I got together and I let her give her her part.

So prior to meeting, Dr. Jeep, I was previously married. And I was clearly in a relationship. That was, I felt like a single partner, it was the relationship was just me. There were addictions with alcohol, I was very young, when I married I was 21 years old. And I say I could lead that horse to water, but I couldn't make him drink. In other words, it takes two to make a relationship. And when one person isn't willing to do it, then, you know, you either decide that you live with that, or, or you move on. And because I was so young, and I knew that I didn't want to bring children into a dysfunctional marriage, I decided to move on, I got to learn more about myself and what I really wanted out of a marriage because I clearly knew what I wasn't getting. So I was able to decipher what I needed. And so when, you know, my goal was when I started dating, that, you know, there were things that I was clearly going to want in a person. So check off the boxes, so to speak. And so when I met

Of course, I checked off on all of them.

So I wanted someone that would talk to me and have intelligent conversations with me and just be very kind and gentle, but have the capacity to love deeply and also have the capacity and the desire to want to work on the relationship.

Vanessa was she was pretty broken when I met her, but I was able to see through all of that and I knew that there was a, you know, a really good person. I mean, she had been through not physical abuse, but a lot of emotional abuse, verbal abuse. And, you know, it's it's hard to stick with that for several years and not be affected by it. So we got married and really before we got married, we had decided that when there was time after after we did get married, that we are going to start into marriage coaching. So we got married in 92. And we started into coaching in 94. Did training in 94 and started that went on in in 2018. We've come to specialize in physician and health care professional relationships. We still do general marriage coaching. But we specialize in that. And I think to cut to your question, Jimbo, our message is that it's okay to admit that there's a problem. It's okay to admit that you're not perfect. It's okay to admit, especially if you have a desire to keep your relationship together. And that's what we're here for is to help people with that many people have good relationships, but they want to make them better. Other people are further along, they've been a part, emotionally, for a while, but we also deconstruct that and get get back to the point where that started to fall apart, and then move them forward again.

Excellent, excellent, then, great summary. And, you know, Vanessa, kinda raised a good point for a question that I have, how do you begin moving on?

It was so difficult, I really appreciate your question. It was because in what I mean, I loved him. I loved him, but he just wasn't marriage material for me. And unfortunately, I didn't figure that out until I was married to him, I had to get to the point where I realized that being alone was better than being lonely in that marriage with a partner that wasn't willing to meet me online level in just one day at a time, you know, picking myself up from the bootstraps and having faith having faith that there was a person out there for me that I was going to find someone and just keep plugging,

I believe that our relationship was meant to happen and give you the reason for that is Vanessa said she was Catholic. I'm a Catholic. And for a long time, I just because of Catholic dogma that I was not going to marry a divorced woman. And I wasn't, because it was very important for me to be able to get married in the church. And so I, you know, thought one day reflected and thought that to myself, that really, that's not a fair thing to do. There's lots of reasons why relationships break up. And so I made that decision, that I was no going to, I was no longer going to hold myself to that standard. And wouldn't you know, the first person that I dated, was Vanessa, and it just all, it just all came together.

You know, from what I'm getting from a lot of this. This sounds pretty interesting. Because do you consider yourselves Catholic marriage coaches?

That's a very, very good question. Is our marriage coaching program Catholic? No, absolutely not?

No, we do not. We do not pretend to assume or project on anybody that we, you know, that we coach.

Whatever leaves exactly is what they believe in. And we have had to navigate this religion in between us because he is still a devout Catholic. And I am not, and that raise some conflict. And we, we really had to sit with that and come to an understanding that I had experiences that not only changed my mind, I just call myself Christian. And, and he is respectful enough of me that we respect each other's positions.

And this is something Jimbo, that because again, it's very good question. This is something if there's an issue between the two of you from a faith or a religious perspective, this is something that you need to talk about substantively before you get married.

So we're huge advocates of premarital coaching, talking to folks educating folks about that, if there's a stumbling block that you have, decide if that is a deal breaker.

The thing with our coaching is that in our coaching, we talk about ourselves and All of these pain points that couples deal with, we've experienced almost all of them. And we talk about it freely when, you know, in our coaching to help them feel a almost like a symbiosis with us that, wow, this is the third, you know, ours problems, they've had those two, and this is how they've gotten through it so and they're not insurmountable, and they don't have to split us up,

What you're both saying here kind of goes perfectly into the next question, I have to ask how does marriage counseling help empower families in general, especially in helping children?

Well, what I want to be clear about is this is not counseling, we're not professional counselors, we are coaches. So there is a definite distinction,

The distinction would be like, I was telling you that we model ourselves going to a therapist, there's a professional boundary there that a therapist is not going to be able to, you know, to talk about her own relationship, therapist tend to deal with a lot in the past psychological issues.

Think of us like educators. You know, we've been, you know, doing this for a long time, we've learned a lot about, you know, the pros of the tips and tricks, so to speak, and, and evidence based practices, best practices, for example, ways of communication, and one of the, one of the huge topics that we talk about is words, like, in the in rules for arguing, and for example, words can really either build you up or destroy you.

Okay, so just so I can understand the difference, what problem would I go to, for you that a therapist probably would not be able to provide or a counselor?

Good question. For example, you have been married for a while, and you love each other deeply. You don't communicate as well as you used to, you seem to be arguing a little bit more. What what you would do is come to a coach to be taught communication skills. If you're arguing a lot tend, you tend to have disconnected. So what we do is we teach you how to reconnect with each other. And we do that in a process that we call the love huddle, which is teaching you how to write to each other in a very non threatening way. So that your feelings are really understood by your partner. And when they're understood by the partner, then there is empathy, and a willingness to change whatever you need to change to make the relationship better.

Yeah, and you sort of already half answered my next question, but what is considered your ideal client, and sort of the client, that's not ideal.

Our ideal client is a client, that they love each other deeply. They've been married for they're out of the they're out of the honeymoon stage. So maybe they've got a child, and they just, they just need tools, because their relationships changing. The reality is changing. And maybe they've, they just need tools in order to be able to navigate a change in their life. That's our best clients. So what they're looking for is, you know, ways to not argue ways to communicate with each other so that they're not tearing each other down. They're but they're building each other up, that they're able to communicate and that they understand each other that they're getting their needs and their wants met out of the relationship that

they have an awareness you know, they have their relationship is pretty decent. There's there's definitely love that's there. Now that can be to varying degrees in respect for the most part, but they they realize that there's a problem, and they can't, they're having a difficult time navigating through it. And so they need somebody to help them navigate through that

there's more to a marriage relationship than I'm thinking that you don't love them anymore.

It's so there is love, but there has to be a lot of things underneath for that love to happen. Like, are you kidding? Are you vulnerable with each other? Do you respect each other? Do you trust each other? If those if those three things don't exist, or somehow that they've been lost, then we, you know, again, deconstruct to find out exactly why that happened when it happened and say, Well, what? What drew you together to begin,

right? Why did you get married in the first place?

A big thing is, are you best friends, because in our pain, that's why we call our, our practice best friends again. Because if you're, if you're not friends first, if you're not best friends, and you're truly drawn to somebody by physical attraction, and not anything else, then you're going to have, you're going to have a lot of issues. It's so it's, it's important to be able to know those things and to be able to go back and say, Okay, this is why you got married. And then this happened, why did it happen? Because sometimes they may not even know, just happened to just be a gradual process that, Oh, how did we get to this point?

I know, we're getting close to the end. So I want to take a quick glance at your website. Okay, so please sort of just kind of take the lead here, run us through everything and, you know, kind of show everyone how to sort of navigate this website that you both me?

Well, of course, welcome. We are best friends, again, with Dr. Jeep and Vanessa. And our mission is to reignite your marriage. We specialize with physicians and health care providers. However, we you know, anyone that is interested in our program, feel free to connect with us. You can click on the work with us button and be taken to a scheduler we take intake calls, however much time you need on that call to speak with us question and answer. And, and then blogs we have, of course, some blogs are featured on page where we've been featured on numerous podcasts and, and how to contact us also our social media, and where you can find us.

There's also a place when you scroll down, that if you would like a free copy of chapter nine, which Vanessa wrote, which is about the love huddle, you're able you're able to download that and and get that in that clients have felt that I've felt that that was extremely helpful.

We're in the process of redesigning the space for podcast, we have probably 20 that we have to add to the site. But there is the book, what's forever for and, and you can click on the free copy.

And the link, the important thing that I would like your listeners to know about the book is that the name of the book, The title was what's forever for a physician to guide to everlasting love and success in marriage. Now, it's from my perspective, but it's meant for, for everyone, it's it's written in a way that regardless of your socio economic background, or your level of education, that it's an easy read. And I wrote it purposely. And I wrote it as if I was sitting, talking to a patient and getting, you know, to try to get them to understand and be able to take something away from reading the book. And people that have read it have told me that that I've achieved that it's been an award winning book, which I'm very proud of. And it's it's not only good for relationships, partnerships, but it's just a good book to have in any relationship you have with people because the tools are widely a meant in have been used for friendships for relating to the public, the principles, they're applicable to all of those.

And then there's a link to take a free relationship needs assessment so listeners can click on that link and fill that out if they're interested in us getting back are with them. We do so and you know, it goes right into the scheduling program.

And the call is no obligation. It's a, you know, it's a just a discovery call to, to go over the relationship assessment, see, if you see a further I'd fit further explanation of the program to see if you know, if it's something that they want to do, and then we kind of go from there.

Okay, great. Are there any final words you'd like to say to the audience before I let you off here?

Yeah, we, we just want to let folks know that, you know, if it takes two people to make a relationship work, and neither one is more important than the other, it's, it's a partnership, it's a team. And that if the two of you are willing to work on your relationship, then it's absolutely doable, and to not lose hope. You know, we're in the practice of highly recommending marriage and, and avoiding divorce at all costs, because it is very traumatic. So therefore, you know, we That's our mission. and we're all human.

what I say, is a couples and I what I would say is, don't feel like you are the only person are the only couple that is going through this. There are so many out there, Exactly.

We're all human. You know, we we have come from it's really difficult to estimate. So I know that it's difficult, I understand that it can be embarrassing, but try and two separate bag, we're taking two separate backgrounds and take the step and I promise that you will not be disappointed. And along with that is don't suffer in silence. Do something about it, things can get better. And, merging them together. And how could there not be conflict as a result of that? So it's just navigating that in healthy ways, and we teach healthy ways of navigating that? Exactly.

Excellent, excellent. And, again, before we ended off here, I just got a lot out a few sponsors here. So the first sponsor we have is Dark Joseph Ravine, he is an excellent man. He is focused on improving the lives of people, taking people out of the dark ravine and helping build a more positive life for everyone. He's a great sponsor, even though he's not a paid sponsor, he still publishes things and gets our name out there. The next person I like to talk about is going to be the 6 Figure University focused on helping people grow their budget, grow more money to expert people, one's an engineer, one's an expert, salon owner, really helping you out there. So go online, fill out their form, and you can also get some advice from them.

Great.

Excellent.

Yeah, then the final person is Lifework Systems. They work together as well with other businesses to help improve their own business relationships, too. It's basically extreme HR. And if you're interested in this offer to buy Judy Ryan, check her out as well.

Thank you so much.

Absolutely.

Yes

Final thing we got is a new website. We're on our you know, we're on Roku. Now, this episode too is going to be on Roku too

so good.

And stay tuned for that.

That is a never ending thing to work on websites.

But you do. You know, you do. Great work. Jimbo. We're a fan. And we're just so grateful and honored that you've had us on as guests.

appreciate it very much.

No problem. Thank you too. And

thank you.

I'm Jimbo Paris is the Jimbo Paris show. Thanks again everyone. Thank you for listening to the Jimbo Paris show.